self harm

Times are changing fast and kids are forced to grow up too soon, I remember when I was 12 I would go to the town centre with an adult and I wouldn't even be interested in make- up or boys. Now I see children as young as 10 on their own, doing as they please with no regards to what is around them... how times have changed. But the more freedom kids have at a young age could also lead to them having more and more pressure thrust upon them due to all the media and marketing etc they are being exposed to, but not only that but if they don't conform to current trends or have the latest gadgets they could be ridiculed and bullied.

Movies in particular have an increasing affect on what kids get up to. But the film that I found disturbing was Twilight. Not only does this film encourage young girls to go into abusive relationship but it inadvertently encourages self harm. This is incredibly irresponsible of the film industry, they have made it so that girls will find it attractive to go for the outcast or the troubled youth, thinking that they can "save" him. All throughout the first film the main character was shouting and generally being horrible to the "heroine" and she keeps coming back for more and it seems like she enjoys it. The second instalment to the series sees "Bella" repeatedly hurt herself inorder to see " Edward". This is a weak role model for young girls, because first it teaches them that you can't fulfil your potential without a man and secondly it shows her harm herself. The film industry is so huge and this film was hugely popular amongst young girl, it should have been more responsible in what message it was putting out there.

But the young girls should also realise that Bella is a fictitious character and that they can decide not to be like her.

Blending in..

People are most comfortable with the familiar even when change will be better they more often than none would go towards something they are familiar with instead of something that is alien to them. This is not unusual in people, it starts of at a young age, lets say school, usually only people who look and think the same way will form small groups- the smart people will hang around with other smart people and the good looking people will hang around with other good looking people. This is a common thing in people who are at that age but it doesn't stop at school. In the workplace and in society as a whole, many people still form these little group where difference is something to fear.

People may gravitate towards the familiar because they feel safe knowing that they are not alone, but being different doesn't have to mean being alone and it is up to society as a whole to try and make people feel as though they belong no matter what they believe in etc.

As we grow up one would hope that this irrational fear would dissipate, but more often than none it doesn't and it actually grows stronger and it is up to us as individuals to change and welcome people's differences and not make them feel ashamed of it.

Beauty is in the eye of the be-holder..

This is a well used phrase but not many people really believe it, which to me is a rather sad indictment of the way society has progressed or regressed. In many cultures beauty can mean very different things other than how you look like, but in many parts of the Western world it goes hand in hand with what celebrity is currently on top. It is no news to me about how celebrity obsessed we have become but to let them dictate to us what we should look like is not right.

Many celebrities today look malnourished and resemble stick insects rather than people, now why would anyone think that is beautiful. Trying to emulate one of these "stick insects" could lea to long term illnesses and organ failure- but they don't tell you that in the media!

If every young women aspired to look like theses so called celebrities, everyone will look the same, and they so often do. I can be walking down the street and see a line of girls that look the same with a teeny tiny waist, the same super slick hair, same handbags even the same style of clothes, it's as if they came from the same assembly line! What is great about looking the same as everyone else?

To me beauty is whatever you think it is, for example I think that Lake Como in Italy is stunning, while other people might just shrug it of as a pool of water, my point is everyone has or should have a different idea of beauty and these different ideas are part of what give us out identity. Identity is the unique characteristics that makes us who we are, now tell me...how can we be unique if we look like everyone else?

What makes you different is exactly what makes you beautiful, people need to learn to embrace their differences!

Beauty at the cost of dignity?

Everyone wants to look their best there's no denying that, it's all part of the wonderful theater of daily life, but at what cost? Many times it is women that are desperate to look their best at all costs but men are just as vain, and sometimes a lot more. But let us first address this obsession we have as a society, again it springs from the media, magazines, bill boards, television and film, they all say that we must dress a certain way and look a certain way- and by doing this we will have elevated our social standing and be respected. The need to be respected and to belong is one reason the other reason is for women to look better than other women in order to impress men.
It seems no matter how far we come as a society, men will always have something to do with our actions. This is one of the issues as to why there will be no solidarity between women: competition and the need to out do each other will always rear it's ugly head.
Another issue and this ties in with my earlier comment about raising your social standing, it plays into the mindset that if you look this good, you must have a lot of money, after all celebrities look amazing and they have piles of cash!

Forget about make up or your daily moisturising rituals, some people go as far as to go under the knife and have fat removed, implants or even have poison injected into their head, all in the vain attempt of looking younger. A case arose in the US fairly recently and was reported on Fox news, where a women that waned a bigger butt put herself in risk. Unknowing to her the surgeon was a fake and put high grade silicone in her that had devastating affects.

It still baffles me as to how some people can be so vain but it's not just about vanity it's also laziness. People no longer have the required patience, like the case I just made reference to, there are simple exercise that you can do to shape your bum naturally but this will take time and effort which a sad amount of people are unwilling to give, instead they want the instant results. People who do this kind of cosmetic surgery incur the pain and trauma of the surgery and the rehabilitation afterwards, now for a butt enlargement this involves not being to sit down for 4 weeks or you may risk displacing the implants, just imagine the humiliation of not being able to sit down for 4 weeks! People also fail to take into account that their bodies are constantly changing and the will put on weight, now what do the think will happen to the implant? It will stay hard while the flesh around it starts to sag and drupe.

But if celebrities do it then it must be good for you, people should realise that they're not celebrities and aspiring to be like them is not always good for your health.

The Harrogate Experience: Teenagers check out the Army

Aspiring for fame.... and nothing else.

There is an unhealthy obsession to be famous even if it is at the cost of ones dignity. Many of these "talent shows" are just an excuse to see how much humiliation a person will take just to get their 15 minutes of fame. It is glaringly obvious that most of the population would do an awful lot of degrading activities just to get a chance at fame, but this also shows how society itself enjoys to see people get humiliated and embarrassed on TV, how else can you explain the astronomical rise in "reality shows"?

Almost everyone has a desire to be noticed, but there is more than one way to get the attention you require, but people want the quick and easy method which is usually TV or become an underwear model. Not a lot of kids would equate a good education one of the ways to be noticed for the right reasons. With a solid education you could acquire enough wealth through perseverance and hard work. The quest for fame is disturbing and somewhat unsafe. Any person who is so desperate to get an ounce of fame will do almost anything to do it and the world is full of unpleasant people who would just love to exploit it for their own gain. And with the internet becoming so easy to access it is becoming increasingly dangerous, as a story has unfolded about how a US mother forced her daughter to pose naked infront of the webcam so that a stranger posing as a photographer could see her. The mother was charged with child endangerment eventhough she also posed naked for the camera, but this has just proven my point, people are willing to ignore common sence in the faintest hope of fame. Do people who are famous look that happy? With the paparazzi snapping every minute of their day and with the tabloids constantly reporting rumours as facts-

Who would want that?

Runaway Grooms..

You'll may mistake this title with the Hollywood movie Runaway Bride but you would be seriously mistaken as there is no fairytale ending to these stories. In this there is only heartache, pain, shame and not only a loss of a huge amount of money, but also of your standings in your society. Many Indian women fall victim to this, they get married to a British Indian Citizen and after he gets what he wants from her and her family they head back to the UK while their new brides are left waiting and hoping that one day he will return. It is not only confined to the UK as it also occurs in the US an Canada, although not always reported.

A wedding is a moment of celebration and many families will spare no expense to make sure the day is perfect, now this may not be such a hard event to put together for the like of you and I from the UK, but for a struggling family in living through hardship everyday, this would mean something between 6 months wages to your life savings. Least we forget, many Indians still participate in the tradition of giving a dowry. A dowry is the payment of cash or other forms of gift given to the bridegroom's family along with the bride,this practice has led to a rise in female infanticide and sex selective abortion which has thus led to it becoming an outlawed practice, however it is still practiced and has lead to a large amount of people living in poverty.

But getting back to my original point, new brides are often used for sexual pleasures and then abandoned, they are left with the realisation that they have been used and also that they cannot remarry because of years of tradition but also because people in India and other Asian parts of the world frown upon the idea of getting a divorce, so they are then left in a state of marriage limbo" and have no way out,there are at least 15-20,00 Indian brides that have been abandoned by their British husbands, this is an unacceptable amount of people left shattered and duped into thinking their lives were getting better only to realise that the worse is yet to come..It is just another form of exploitation and like exploitation it SHOULD BE STOPPED.

Suffering in silence..

There can be many forms of domestic violence ranging from Physical abuse to emotional abuse, truth be told it is harder to categorise what it is. In regards to the law it is defined as an incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse ( physiological, physical, verbal, sexual, financial or emotional), but even though the law has tried very hard to categorise it, there is no way of know it has happened if no one reports it and even then it can be dismissed due to lack of evidence.

The tool that is often used to help people suffering from this type of abuse is likely to be severely slashed, Legal Aid is to be cut enough so that the Government can save £ 350m a year, which will make it increasingly harder for people with limiter financial resources to get help. The Government has implied that they are doing this for the good of the people, and that it is only used to help the " most vulnerable" people. But what constitutes as vulnerable, if you are the victim of anything, you should be considered vulnerable. The authorities have underlined what qualifies you to legal aid, only if you can prove it i.e police report, doctor report or physical abuse are you classed as the "most vulnerable". However many women will suffer at least 20 incidents of domestic abuse before reporting it to the police and many victims will be to scared to report it at all.

Does it ever occur to these people that a victim may not be able to report it, their spouse or partner may be blackmailing them in an event that they will try to alert the authorities. Many other forms of abuse exist but may not be taken seriously by the authorities, forms such as refusing the access to the telephone and the outside world, this is just as serious as it is disregarding your basic human rights, but because you can't produce any physical evidence it may be disregarded.

The long term affects of suffering from abuse can be even worse than any form of physical abuse. An individual who has endure years of abuse would very often be very nervous, suffer from low self esteem an have an even lower sense of worth, but that's not all, if children also beared witness to the event they could also be traumatised and not be able to connect with anyone because they always fear of suffering the same way their parents did.

So I ask you.. are the shot term benefits worthy considering what the long term risks may hold???

In the name of honour...

What is this thing we call honour, well simply put it is an abstract concept, but drilling down to the base of it it is, the perceived worthiness and respectability that affects the social standing and self evaluation of an individual. People in certain societies are assigned stature based on the relationship between their actions with a specific code of honour and the moral code of the society at large. It is strange then to hear about these so- called honour killings, I am horrified that any society could let this happen, how does killing someone comply with the society's moral code?

Honour killing are not only confined to East Asia as it also occurs in countries such as Italy, Egypt, Syria, Jordon, France, German, the US and even in the UK, although they are not widely reported, so to get an accurate account would be difficult. Women are more vulnerable to fall victim to this as it can often be a way for men to control female sexuality in a culture that puts a greater value on honour that what is deemed to be right.

Honour Based Violence (HBV) can come in various forms but are equally shocking than the next. They include the following:

• Verbal threats








• Forced abortions








• Abduction








• Murder








• Sexual abuse








• Abandonment overseas








• Physical violence and








• Forced marriages

All of these can be seen as a way to control behaviour, to make a person do things that you want them to do. In essence it is a way of taking away an individuals free will and in turn their identity. And without identity who are we? As a society we have a responsibility to change things for the good of everyone.

Women and the media- Who's more guilty?

The portrayal of females in the media have an enormous affect on behaviour, such, as how they, dress, act, and interact with the world around them. Whether it is a good thing is another matter.

Women are historical seen as the nurturers and care givers, but film and other forms of media have changed, women have become more and more empowered. Empowerment is a way to introduce more gender equality in the workplace but also in society. The term media encompasses a wide range of tools, it can cover magazine, film and television, these all reach a huge audience and therefore can potentially change the way of how a lot of females perceive themselves in the wider community.

Women in film have changed dramatically over the last 10- 20 years, many more women are being considered for main roles in films now and the have a more central role to the plot of the film, whereas in times gone by they would have had a more peripheral role, now they are more in focus and play a more central role to the plot. Even though they have started to claw their way into the movie scene, they are still viewed as sexual objects, a kind of " eye candy" one could say. But even as I say this, Just by getting the main focus, women have the chance to change the way the world views the changing roles of women in film. Gandhi was once quoted as saying " you must be the change you want to see in the world". Meaning you all have the power to change your individual situations. Education is a primary tool,it doesn't have to be the traditional school education either, religious education, social education etc.

All of these are a way in which women can empower themselves and make educated and well thought out decisions on how they want to be perceived in the world. Magazine and TV are another form of media that are guilty of objectifying women. So often do I walk by a magazine with a half naked women on the cover , and I don't see that as showing off your beauty, all I see is an incredible insecure women and that she can only get any attention by stripping down. Also in many women's magazine there are articles dedicated to this season style and how you must have this to be popular and desired. What I do find even more insulting is the Boots adverts on TV that are more frequent around Christmas. If you dissect the advert it is basically saying that the only thing that concerns women are the way they look, and the only reason they want to look like this is to get attention,

Which brings me to another issue, the need for attention. Surely a grown women no longer requires the approval of other people to feel some kind of importance, but the sad thing is it's true, women in particular, still still work to get the approval of others. We all have the power to change these perceptions, that is if enough people want to we can change things,if we stop buying theses magazine and watching the shows we can make it clear that there's no longer a demand for them hence no profits will be made, they will have to change things, but only if enough people want the same thing.

To binge or not to binge...That is the million pound question?

Fridays are what every working individual will be looking forward to because they know that the weekend is not far behind. Does the weekend mean that you can put politeness and decency on hold? Does it give you the freedom to behave in a way you wouldn’t normally? For some women/ girls it is a resounding “yes”.
Women who stagger out of bars wearing what they think are mini dress but share a closer resemblance to belts, think they are just exercising their rights and claim that they are doing all this in the name of feminism; they don’t understand what feminism actually means. Feminism is a collection of movements defining, establishing and defending equal political, social rights and equally opportunities for women. To sum up, it is about gender equality and therefore it is relevant to men as well. In this basic interpretation, nowhere is it written that getting “wasted” every weekend and having casual sex is under the umbrella of feminism. Women often argue that if men do it why shouldn’t they, but what they have to try and realise is that just because men act like apes, is no excuse for you to act like apes, they should aim to rise above it- but they don’t.
Binge drinking amongst females have been on the rise, this can be attributed to the fact that women have more disposable income, which begs the question, if you have disposable income why must you dispose of it in one weekend? People often say they need to “cut loose”, but is this the only way to do that and is work that treacherous that you need to drink yourself into oblivion just to forget it?
The fact that many bars have deliberately discounted bottles of alcohol and have hours dedicated on getting “happy” doesn’t help with the increasing amounts of binge drinkers. More and more younger women are getting pulled into this culture and the few that refuse are often ostracised from their peer group and labelled as being anti- social, but tell me, what’s so great about not knowing where you are, not being able to stand on your own, urinating in the streets and having sex with strangers?! Women who put themselves in these kinds of situations are putting themselves in real danger, not only will they run the risk of suffering from alcohol related diseases but also of being sexually attacked- because let’s face it, there are some “unpleasant” people out there that will take advantage of the situation.
If that’s not enough to convince people to dial back their drinking habits, large amounts of alcohol can also artificially age you and for many women, their appearance is very important to them. The media also has a part to play in this, in recent times they have catered the advertised more appealing to women. For example in programmes such as “Sex and the City”, the main characters’ are never far from a bar and always seen to be drinking by midday, now what they neglect to show is them with their heads in the toilet and vomit on their Jimmy Choos.
If we have any hope of changing the attitudes of millions of young women, we should refrain from making it seem glamorous and show what can happen to your body and your finance, after all it’s not cheap and we are in a financial crisis, with the huge strain binge drinking is having on the NHS, it’s surprising that you still manage to find women urinating in the streets and stumbling out of bars.

An arrangement between two different worlds..

Marriage is supposed to be a joyous occasion, the union between two people is a beautiful thing to witness and should ultimately bring two families closer together. It would indicate that these two people are happy, have a lot in common and ultimately decided to spend the rest of their lives together.

Arranged marriages are a common practice amongst many Asian families and are somewhat misunderstood by the West, an arranged marriage is not all that different from the way most people do get married. It has all the same ingredients, essentially they should have things in common and ideally come from the same background, but forced marriages are becoming all to common. Where an arranged marriage is an arrangement between the two parties and is a common practice within culture that prohibits dating, a practice that is common amongst the west, a forced marriage is just that..it is forced upon that person against their will, usually through coercion or emotional blackmail. It is another form of abuse and just like abuse, it is often kept as a dark secret and no one is aware of it till it's to late.

Immigration is often the main reason behind it, and this has not only put on the families involved but also the British tax payer. This has brought the issue to the attention of the Prime Minister David Cameron. He has described the issue as " little more then slavery", which certainly gives an indication of the seriousness of the situation.

People shouldn't have to suffer in silence or to be forced to do anything agaist their will taking away their freewill, by taking away a person's free will you will in essence be taking away their identity and basic human rights.

Forced marriages are often thought of as a crime that only affects women, this is not true as it also affects men, 15% of forced marriage victims are men. Men who are gay are often afraid to tell their parents because of the shame it may bring to them and the family, and so they are forced to go through with it and live a false life and ultimately live a life of misery.

Being a girl= Second class citizen?

One would hope that everyone was treated as equals, with the same rights and privileges, but this is not always the case. Whether we admit it or not, people do assign certain " gender roles", where women are the home makers and care givers while the men go out to support the family and are the " breadwinner's". In certain culture this may be reinforced by words like " tradition" but it doesn't say that you can't evolve your thinking and adapt to situations, actually nearly all cultures encourage learning, tell me this how can a women improve her knowledge if she's not allowed to leave the house. The simple answer is that she can't. But you see it is not culture that enforces these stereotypes, it is the society we live in.

In some cultures they would even go as far as aborting female fetuses because in that society a girl baby is desired. This has become a common practice, as the technology has become more widely available to find out the sex of the child. In parts of India this would be used to perform " selective abortion" as a girl would be thought of as a burden and not being able to achieve as much as a boy. This is a cruel practice that has been banned, but as it is difficult to determine that this is the reason, it is still widely practice.In India doctors would advertise this technology as cost saving, they could save 50,00 rupees in dowry if it was a girl. This might feel as though it's not murder but it is just as vile, by thinking that having a girl would cost more is a inhumane way of raising a family.

Even in places where they do not have the technology to determine the sex of a child, once they find out that the child is female it will be killed. In some cases this will be ritualised. Female Infanticide is " the intentional killing of baby girls over the preference of baby boys".

This has lead to a population of far more boy to girls, and this situation is not restricted to India as some parts of China suffer with the same predicament, China has had a "one child pollicy" as they think this will help with overpopulation but as they also have a preference towards boy babies, this would often mean that the number os girl baabies being born would suffer. In January 2010 the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences (CASS) has forecasted that within a period of 10 years 1 in 5 men would find it hard to find a bride due to the alarming death rate in young women. This kind of mindset is not only found in poverty stricken parts of the world, as some of the more wealthier and more educated people still fall prey to the assumption that a boy has more value than a girl.

People's perceptions are what have to change, as it is their perception of girls that has been somewhat distorted. Education alone will not help if females are still restricted in certain aspects of their life, like the workplace.The workplace should take some responsibility for reducing a women's role as in the workplace a women is still worth significantly less than her male counterparts and there are fewer female managers that earn the same as the men.

Gender inequality is an historical issue and cannot be overcome overnight. But in order to change how the wider world looks at you, it may be far easier to start in your local community, it only takes a few like minded people to come together and change things for the good.

Domestic violence or abuse has broadly been defined as “a pattern of abusive behaviour by one or both partners in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating, family, friends or just the person you share the residence with” Abuse can come in many forms other than aggression, it can be done through threats, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, economic deprivation and though intimidation such as stalking. Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of their cultural background, faith or even gender. Many men also suffer from domestic abuse but it is not widely reported due to the stigma that comes with being a victim.
One of the main problems with quantifying the amount of abuse out there is that not many people will come forward. Many people will either be in complete denial about what is happening to them or they will be ashamed to admit it and how this knowledge will make them look to the wider community. People in denial have usually had to suffer with it for a long period of time, so long in fact that it’s a normal part of their day to day activities.
89% of people who suffer from domestic violence are women; this huge percentage can be attributed to the fact that historically women are thought of as unequal to their male counter parts. Violence of any kind is condemned by society, yet it is an everyday occurrence for some people. Not only does this kind of abuse physically damaging but it can also be very damaging to the person’s perception of themselves, some people will start to believe they did something to deserve it, not realising that it is the other individual who is in the wrong.
People suffering from abuse will often start to feel very isolated and cut off from the rest of the world and just suffer in silence. For women who decide to speak up, the consequences can be just as worse, because more often than none their voices will be ignored, and that is why it is up to us, as a society to pay more attention and to take it seriously.

From the Beginning